KEEPING UP WITH THE AMBANIS….

WHO DESIGNED WHAT LEHENGA? WHICH IMPORTED ARTISTES REALLY TOPPED THEIR GAME?  DID ANANT REALLY GIFT AUDEMAR-PIGUET WATCHES TO HIS BEST MEN? DID NICK JONAS ACTUALLY TURN DOWN PERFORMING AT THE WEDDING? SANGEETA WADDHWANIOFFERS A NOUVEAU SPIN ON THE 5,000 CRORE GLOBAL SPECTACLE

The Anant and Radhika Ambani nuptial (estimated to have a total expense of INR 5,000 crores or US$600M), has been grist for that giant 24/7 story mill we call social media for nearly half of 2024.

Given how many of our phone screens cracked from the megawattage of the diamonds, we now are #ambaniweddingaddicts…and demand sequel after sequel…! How sad this drama needs to end!

Big Fat Indian Weddings ensure you do get a bit of brain fog, as you consume gigabytes of wedding content till your grey cells submit to a new dementia…Diamondtia.

WELCOME TO THE NETFLIX SHOW: PARTYING WITH THE AMBANIS

Asia’s wealthiest billionaire’s family has set the bar so high on the scale and possibility of a nuptial, they have surpassed even royal weddings around the world.

As we read in The Guardian, “This expenditure is 14 times greater than the US$43.2 million spent on the 2018 wedding of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Prince Harry and former American actress Meghan Markle, as reported by CNBC.

It also exceeds the US$48 million expense of Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer’s 1981 wedding, now estimated to be around US$163 million in today’s dollars, according to the South China Morning Post.

Additionally, it surpassed the US$45 million cost of the 1979 wedding between Dubai’s ruler Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum and Sheikha Hind Bint Maktoum bin Juma Al Maktoum, now valued at approximately US$137 million.

HELLO, WHAT IS A PRE-WEDDING?

Now, how many couples have pre-wedding parties to begin with? This is definitely a precedent, by itself! And any celebration that covers six months odd..from a three-day pre-wedding event in March in Jamnagar,  Gujarat leading up to the official wedding in July, would necessarily need an infusion of celebrities and dignitaries and locations to keep it engaging both for friends, family and guests, and the social media whirl.

Noteworthy expenses for Anant and Radhika’s wedding included US$6 million paid to Barbarian R&B singer Rihanna for a performance at their March pre-wedding celebration, US$150 million for a wedding cruise from Italy to the South of France in May, and US$10 million for a performance by American pop singer Justin Bieber during the July festivities in Mumbai.

Anant, 28, is a classic PhD…Papa Has Dough…quite a lot of it, at a valuation of  US$110 billion. In fact, as of July 16, Forbes ranks Mukesh Ambani’s net worth at US$122 billion, positioning him as the richest person in Asia and the 11th wealthiest globally.

Little wonder neither former UK Prime Ministers Boris Johnson nor Tony Blair, resisted a visit to a nation whose GDP was once demolished by 150 years of British Empire. Just 75 years after we were sucked dry of our self-esteem, scarred by famines and looted of our supremacy as the world’s foremost producers of textiles, spices, architecture, scripture…The Great Ambani Wedding put India back at the epicenter of global wonder and awe.

Reuters reported that Rajan Mehra, CEO of air charter company Club One Air, disclosed that the Ambanis hired three Falcon-2000 jets from his company for transporting guests, with over 100 private planes anticipated to be used for the event.

THE TRUE POTENTIAL OF THIS WEDDING..EVEN POST!

Since profit-making is part of the family DNA, why not edit and structure an entire seasonal show by itself, titled PARTYING WITH THE AMBANIS, and sell it to Netflix as an exclusive? (This will be footage NOT blasted on socials so far!)

Since the family has had three mega weddings, and two massive ‘pre-wedding’ weddings, it will be a reality show boasting the biggest budget ever. A show which has all the truths to make it richer and deliciously stranger than fiction.

Like Nita-ji sitting with her many favourite  jewellers and brainstorming on settings. Like Anant’s sarpej diamonds being attached by his grandmom, such a touching moment, for an Ambani prince. Like the Ambani teams briefing the vendors who will be at Portofino. Enough BTS people and moments and hard work..including dance rehearsals by the Ambani women..and men!

Don’t we see here, the ingredients a hit webseries requires – episodic celebrations, each a Mardi Gras of themed dressing up, famous faces, cordon bleu cuisines, divine locations, lights, camera, action!

And kya storyline bhi hai...childhood sweethearts, innocent hearts, designer costumes, dialogues, filmy people,  filmy dances, Gen X, Y and Z style live gigs (and Gen Z style hook-ups on the cruise to Italy, so we hear!) NOT to mention the international guests and performers..from Former British PM John Major to Marc Zuckerberg to Justin Beiber, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Kim and Khloe Kadarshian, the Back Street Boys, Rema…and so on.

Also an entire Italian port town playing ‘host’ to the Ambani jamboree…Portofino! (Translated, Fine Port)! Mamma Mia meets Modern Maharajas of Millionaire Country…India.

PORTOFINO…HERE WE COME!

From Isha Ambani’s school buddy, the mysteriously viral Orry Awatramani’s YouTube uploads, we see that the port city became a bingefest with marshmallow fondue stalls, Indian masala paneer rolls, (served with crushed Lays chips poured over before rolling up the rolls), pink pasta, some bespoke pastries and even a magician playing some card tricks! Tragedy was, those on a calorie count, (like Orry) had to confess to the sin of gluttony to their inner Padre…he told his captive YouTube viewers, so sheepishly, “I have consumed one week worth of calories in one afternoon!”

There  were so many themed parties on that cruise, I sometimes had to do three changes in one night!” shared a business honcho friend who was onboard that epic journey.

From the enchanting melodies of Italian tenor Andrea Bocelli echoing through the quaint streets of Portofino to the electrifying performances by global icons like Katy Perry and the Backstreet Boys aboard the ship, there was an impressive range of entertainment.

It was a strange mix of hard red carpet work and possibly excess luggage issues from the sheer variety of outfits needed onboard…and many felt they were in a daze through the experience. A hyper-real universe this cruise ship was, sailing between cultures and between time zones, pandering to just those special few close friends and family who the Ambanis were comfortable being around 24/7…be it in tracks or tank tops.  We are talking guests like Shah Rukh Khan, Nawaz Modi Singhania, Ranbir Kapoor, Ranveer Singh…

BACK TO ‘WED IN INDIA’

While on Indian ground, our Bolly people shimmied and tried hard to not feel upended by the Ambani Dance of The Diamonds. Those polkis, jadaos, meenakari beauties screamed India Shining!

Meanwhile, reality TV stars Kim and Khloe Kardashian took these jewels to be a social doctor’s prescription and were seen in many-layered blingtastic Indian accessories – particularly emeralds…

Now now this is what I love about American celebrities vs our Desi stars. The sisters jumped into an auto rickshaw to add to their Great Indian Wedding Experience…Lorraine Schwartz emeralds strictly NOT needed…and have announced that they are going to incorporate their wedding moments on their American TV show, an episode hopefully titled, ‘Ambaniness’ meets ‘Tajness’ meets ‘Autorickshaw Goddesses.’

This is why an NRI cousin of mine, based in the US, has praised “the optics” of the Great Ambani Wedding. From a time when the optics going out from India were those of dusty villages (Bandit Queen), slum kids (Salaam Mumbai), and even the much awarded Slumdog Millionaire (unabashedly showing shit piles and slumdogs of Mumbai)…not to forget the grim rape statistics that keep many female tourists away…to now this unabashed, Indian at heart, globe-trotting, hedonistic wedding, screaming of new money and new statistics to take note of! This is a New India…after all!

One doesn’t know how authentic one particular statistic is, claiming that India boasts 850 millionaires, (ranking only after China), and is ‘minting’ a millionaire every half hour!

But that is what one reads in the Wall Street Journal:

I quote, “An Ambani wedding may be in a class of its own, but wealthy families like them aren’t as rare as they once were in India. The country is minting millionaires and billionaires faster than ever, wealth managers and economists say, thanks to a burgeoning economy that is making large businesses richer, while also making it easier to start new ones.” 

The story goes on to another power packed quote, “Today a billionaire is born every month in our country,” said Himanshu Kohli, co-founder of the multifamily investment office Client Associates. “Every 30 minutes there is a millionaire born.”

SPIRITED DANCING

Given that Gujarat is a dry state, I was truly amused to hear my friend assuring me that the floating (cruise) and non floating parties (Jamnagar, Portofino, Jio World Convention Centre) “saw only the best alcohol in the world being served!” Did we not see this in the spirited dancing all around? My favourite video is when Justin Beiber does a one-on-one jam with the aforementioned @orryawatramani whose unintelligible scatting was wild and trippy!

THE AMBANI LADIES: AS THE NEW INFLUENCERS

Do  you know what trumped the whole shenanigan for me? The shift from Bolly denizens having the highest Influencer Quotient to the members of the Ambani clan doing a complete visibility turnaround.

ALL ABOARD?

Think about it. Nita Ambani’s tiled emerald necklace spawned at least a gazillion or more knockoffs across various jewellery brand accounts – all shamelessly flaunting their copy as being closest to what Mrs A was wearing. Will the Real Best FAKE please stand up?

Then came the woven textile saree knockoffs.  And in this regard, one is actually quite pleased to see Mrs Ambani’s direct interest in supporting the native weaves of India, particularly those rich silks and brocade bordered sarees from Varanasi. In this photo, Nita Ambani is a picture of Indian  regality in @abujanisandeepkhosla…

When I was Executive Editor at HELLO! I had an authentic story from the famous Shanti Benares family, whose family has owned its own weaving atelier for at least four generations in Varanasi. They told us how intricately embroidered wall hanging compositions featuring Radha Krishna in lush forests, using only the finest of gold zardozi and silks, were commissioned by Nita Ambani as gifts for the special guests invited to Isha and Anand Piramal’s wedding in Italy.

Perhaps due to the trolling the Ambani videos were getting, Nita Ambani appears in a video claiming that the wedding aligned itself deeply to Indian spiritual roots…a video filmed in the sacred town of Kaashi. (https://www.instagram.com/reel/C9T6KP4CGON/?igsh=YWV4Y3B0dDZseHJ).

The  same video shows her injesting street chaat and being a true desh bhakt…showing that vendors from these tradition steeped towns were brought to Antilia to usher in bonafide prayers, conduct rituals and play music…rich rustic flavours to humanise the concrete facades of the Ambani privately owned building on my street!

THE POSITIVE FALL OUTS

Public toilets have been set up near Antilia as well, and daily meals were being served to the humble lift men, watchmen, maids, etc who come to work in the area. Even the police security station was given a shaadi makeover!

But back to the New Crazy Rich Indian phenomenon …this Indian Dream is definitely more deeply entrenched in all of us than any American dream can profess to be!

Let’s face it, official statistics show the average Indian family spends three times it’s average household income on a wedding. PM Modi made sure the last part of the circus happened on home turf..with his WED IN INDIA campaign. Statistics show that one lakh crore rupees are spent by Indians on their ‘international destination weddings.’ Why not nurture the motherland?

Meanwhile, I may hop onto Anant Ambani’s trading app…hoping some of that Ambani magic rubs off this lamp!

Till we meet again…

The wealthiest bride in Asia?