THE MULTI-CHAKRA RELATIONSHIP!

VALENTINE’S DAY OFTEN OFFERS US AN IDEAL BLUEPRINT FOR A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WHICH SOMEHOW LASTS ALL OF A DAY. READ ON ABOUT THE NUTS AND BOLTS OF SUSTAINING THE V-DAY SENTIMENTS THROUGHOUT THE DAYS, WEEKS, MONTHS AND YEARS… SANGEETA WADDHWANI TAKES YOU THROUGH AN ANCIENT CONCEPT FROM TANTRA, WHICH COULD SERVE US SO WELL IN A TIME OF INSTANT GRATIFICIATION, QUICK FIX AND SHALLOW CONNECTIONS

Years ago, I met a wise artist in India who told me that the Indian gods Shiv-Shakti, enjoyed the ultimate connection between equals. Unlike today’s instant gratification hook ups, which commoditise both man and woman…  Their divine love engaged all the seven chakras – from the sexual root chakra to the sacral crown chakra. They were compatible and nurtured each other across all energy vortexes – mental, physical, intellectual and spiritual. That, should be the benchmark for our coupling, as well!

‘TOGETHER FOREVERS’ ARE BUILT ONE DAY AT A TIME

Let’s face it. In a time of hook-ups, divorce battles and equally empowered men and women, many old wives tales about ‘together forever’ are fit for the archives. Initially, one felt like the ground had fallen beneath one’s feet, to see marriages in such disarray. But one famous mind – and his famous words – made me take a much more holistic view of what is actually a positive shift. The great poet, lyricist, screen writer from India – Javed Akhtar – replied to my question, ‘Do you feel disturbed about the state of marriage today and the high rate of divorces?’ (Ironically, the question was asked for a Valentine’s Day article). And he summed it all up by saying, “No, not at all disturbed. In fact I am very happy to see this! Because, there is maximum stability between a master and slave, less stability between a boss and employee, and least stability between equals!” 

RESPECT for one another stands on top of the happy relating charts, even above the mush of love. You really cannot separate the respect component if you claim to ‘love’ someone, it is why you are with them in the first place! With the passage of time, very often, couples forget to show this deep respect, as they take each other for granted. Somewhere work climbs to the top of the charts. Sometimes it the children you have together who overrule your mate. Always get this respect right, it is the oxygen for the flame of love to keep burning brightly.

Now doesn’t that just make one celebrate, rather than mourn, the falling away of connections that don’t serve the highest good of each person? The Seven Chakra connection should be our ideal, with equality as a firm foundation. Here’s a look at an ideal map of values, if you seek together forever, or at least a ‘together for this lifetime!’

TRUST each other. How ‘safe’ are you to commit to? Do you flaunt friends of the opposite sex constantly, online and offline? In times of multiple connectivity with apps like WhatsApp, with social media messaging, over and above work colleagues and friends – true fidelity is becoming harder and harder to define. The fling culture is also a distraction. An awesome twosome can crumble when even a crumb of mistrust comes in… so frame your boundaries as a couple. What are you both comfortable with? Are you into a 60s style open equation, where flings go? Do you want phones off on Sundays, where you are ‘exclusively’ with your mate? Nobody says you have to follow convention. But do right by your own rules!

COUNT TO 10 when angry or distraught. This may be something your grandmother told you as a child – but it is always relevant and useful. Anger can destroy one’s own equanimity and in its blinding momentum, break down very precious ties. Watch the Pamela Anderson documentary on Netflix to see how one episode of fury and physical abuse from her soulmate Tommy Lee, led to the breakdown of a dream relationship and scattered a happy family into fragments.  Tommy broke her hand which was holding their baby and openly said he should be top priority. He missed being the rockstar of the house. What a sad way to destroy a beautiful elopement which they entered into after knowing each other for just 96 hours! 

TRANSPARENCY. Address any bubbling issues with utmost transparency. This aligns with another golden rule, never go to bed angry or unhappy about something between the two of you. Not being honest and communicative is in a way, allowing things to gather rust and dust till the cracks become too deep to reverse. Not healthy at all.

LADIES, BE LOYAL. It is not ‘feminist’ to cheat on your partner, while expecting his utmost loyalty. This is a bizarre new train of thought one has seen on reality TV shows in India, and is also reflected in ‘the new matriarchy’ dawning on us. Around the world, we see how women rising to power has them often emulating the worst ‘cheating’ patterns of a more patriarchal world. It is also important to watch for emotional ‘violence’ if you are a woman… putting your partner on guilt trips and other manipulation of his feelings will lead to emotional exhaustion for both of you at the end of the day. Please be mindful.

EXPRESSIONS of love. Keep them coming. You could buy him a watch he has had his eye on, but ‘sacrificed’ his desire to prioritise your needs. If you’re a man, even a simple phone call from work daily, say at teatime, to see how she is doing, can keep her heart singing and feeling secure. And of course, flowers and perfumes are par for the course… not just on Valentine’s Day, but every now and then!

GETAWAYS from the routine. One can’t emphasise this enough. Nothing causes a lull in relationships more than a tenacious routine filled with predictability. Of course we can’t all hop on a private charter and visit the Maldives thrice a year, but a little surprise vacay now and then can definitely rekindle romance. Or even just a well orchestrated night out – a ‘date’ night – with your chosen soulmate.

COMPLIMENTS! Pay those damned compliments – and with sincerity! It is heartbreaking to see a woman do her best with her wardrobe, beauty and fitness routines, to please her partner, and have him not even take the time to notice and remark on the same. On the other hand, be sure that if you are being flattering simply as a cover (and thinking of a cute colleague while complimenting your partner ) she will sniff it out faster than a police dog sniffs contraband at the airport! Value your life partner and her efforts to keep you happy.

REWARDS for exceptional home-making skills. Whether it is a husband who is keeping the home fires in ship shape while you work, or you who multi-tasks across domestic portfolios – remember, this is one area of work that comes with no raises, no public applause, no automatic perks. So if you are inviting your boss to dinner and your partner is working hard to ensure a glitch-less home and a seven course dinner, reward him or her in whatever way you see fit! And even there is no special occasion, and you are both living in a well kept haven – a reward every now and then goes a long way in motivating your partner.

EXPRESS GRATITUDE. Even if you’re lousy with the surprise getaways and flowers, and often forget a birthday or anniversary…. You can balance it out with an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude is like fuel to a dying fire. It is profoundly healing. Have you just stepped back from your relationship, and been grateful for it? If you need to be reminded to be thankful, you are already taking it for granted! Think of a world full of angst-ridden divorcees, the deeply scarred singles and commitment phobes – and you will find abundant reason to feel grateful for your special bond. Happy Sustained Valentine’s Day!